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Essay of Definition: Define God

How does one define God? People look to God for their answers, and in many people’s eyes, He makes choices that people are unable or unwilling to make. People look to God for the way, but for the most part people will blindly follow these rules etched in stone. Rarely does one stop to think, what is God. What makes a God, and what determined where this God came from. The following passages will completely redefine what you think of a God. He is subject to the same rules as are elected officials, and as are businessmen. I cannot tell you what defined the One who started it all, but I can tell you who God is.

“Who God is?” you ask. God is God. There is no name for this Deity. He is Him, that’s all there is to it. Perhaps you were correct my fellow humans, but no more. He that is All, is not unworldly, His current magnificence stemmed right from this very world, and resides in this very city, the city of Spokane Washington, or the city, of Ray. Who is Ray? Why, Ray Marcilla of course. This man, this lone man defeated God at his own game. He that is Ray massed an army of followers, including such individuals as Chris Carrick, Justin Gil, Mark Opsal, myself, and his disciples the Pit Crew. For when such aforementioned defectors began to follow Ray, God lost support. People left their lazy do nothing Lord of the Overworld to flock to the political and religious genius that is He who is Ray.

Now, of course we all know that Christianity is the only true religion. I mean, look at Islam. Muhammad? What kind of name is that? You know that some guy just came up with that name at a local bar somewhere and it somehow caught on. And what about Judaism? They don’t believe in Jesus Christ! Can you believe those people? And they wonder why us Christians have persecuted them for a Millennia. So with that being said we can all agree that God only likes Christians, and hates Muslims, Hindus, Jews, Gays, Buddhists, Atheists, and possibly the Irish. Naturally, since these people didn’t belong to any real religion, they felt left out. Then Marcilla came preaching his Raysics. A world in which there are no rules. The basic principal is that people will spend their time in their basements, eating pizza, drinking soda and/or beer: in other words, a Utopia. Raysics’ numbers grew and grew, and little by little, Ray became buying more and more of Heaven’s stocks, until. . . Ray achieved what had been his goal: 51% of Heaven Incorporated’s™ stocks. A hostile takeover was what Ray needed, and shortly after attaining his goal Ray was sitting in his throne, whether it be found in He who is Ray’s basement or potentially Seth’s or Mike Ward’s basement (depending on the day). This God knows how to mix it up, and no longer will he sit idly by and watch our lives go by. Since Ray took control of All that is known as Heaven Incorporated™ he has made many changes. For example, movies now say things that we wish them to say. That’s right, for example: The other day we were watching a fine film by the name of The Ice Cream Man. In it was a bicycle gang known as the Rocketeers. Chris said that it would be great if they shot rockets from their bikes as weapons. And within 5 minutes, they did! I know a lot of you guys are skeptical, but what did your old God give you to base your faith around? I don’t know of any miracles that God gave me to show me which path was the right path. What made me become a full-fledged believer was when Ray got me a date. That’s right, me, a date. Just you wait nonbelievers. No longer does God punish the ignorant. Rather, he will make you win the lottery simply by flushing a toilet. You say that’s impossible? Well obviously you haven’t read the book on Raysics, where anything could happen. You may be skeptical of this ‘anything could happen concept’. But let me ask you this? Do you remember those old McDonald’s ads? The ones that said something along the lines of “Hey, it could happen.” Then you would hear someone sing “McWorrrrrllllddd!” Well the reason those things went off the air is because they did begin to happen. No longer were kids just wanting to go to school in fighter jets, they actually were. McDonalds saw the repercussions of putting these ideas in kid’s heads and cancelled those ads, although there have been instances where little kids actually did hang out with Ronald McDonald as depicted in their current TV ads with the “Ronald and Me. How cool would that be?” slogan.

At any rate, this new regime has taken effect. God and Ray are one and the same. He is a man for the people, and from the people. He did not create us. He is one of us. He has felt our pain, seen our loss, and tasted our hamburgers in a way so close and personal, that our unworldly Lord never could. He is one of us, and he will lead us to a period in which all our dreams and fantasies come true, at least, unless you piss him off. Ray is God. And no, I’m not speaking figuratively; in many different ancient languages the letters defined to God actually translate to mean Ray. In fact, this holds true in more modern languages, such as computer languages. If you convert the binary that is required to spell God, and multiply each one and zero to a corresponding prime number squared, then converted to hexadecimal and then reconvert it back to binary it will say Ray. How this works, you got me, you’ll have to consult Ray yourself. . . . . .Ohh yeah, he has a weird sense of humor, so be careful about that.