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Dr. E.D.’s Experiment

The six individuals waited patiently within the hallow chambers of the revered Dr. E.D. They had not seen each other for years, yet the six eyed each other warmly. Sitting on one side were Joey, Lance, and Chris, while Justin and JC occupied the other. The sole woman, Britney, sat at the head of the table opposite the heavy wooden double doors. They sat in silence, none finding the right things to say. They didn’t look the same as they had 50 some years ago. They had all been young, successful, famous, foolish, oh so very foolish. Their eyes always glanced at their fellow friends, and then rested on the once beautiful Britney. They all thought of their fancies they had had for her all those years ago. Ohh how very foolish they had been. They had been friends, friends forever. Nobody would have thought they could separate. Ah but cruel cruel love; they all fell for the same beautiful woman. Eventually it tore them apart, Pop music never would be the same after this. Justin had made a successful career as he went solo, the others took on odd jobs. Lance became an interior decorator, JC a fashion designer, and Chris fulfilled his lifelong dream of becoming an Olympic Figure Skater. Joey had a much tougher life. Being dropped by the beautiful Britney, he began drinking such hard drinks as strawberry daiquiris and wine coolers. Dr. E.D. was the man that pulled him from the gutter, which was really how he came to be where he was.

The five men hungrily eyed Britney, not having experienced a woman in many many years, however their medical conditions denied them from having any sort of release. That was until, they had received a call from Dr. E.D. claiming that he had found something that would make him feel like they were 20 again. As all five men eyed Britney, her eyes shot up towards the door. There Dr. E.D. gently crept in, eyeing the 5 men especially. They turned and seemed a bit startled that they were being watched. They stood up out of respect for the older Dr. E.D. He motioned for them to sit. “My dear old friends. I am desirous of your assistance in one of those little experiments with which I ‘amuse myself’ here in my study.” At hearing this the people sitting at the table grimaced as the vision hit them. Dr. E.D. then continued, “Recently, I have found what had been hidden for hundreds of years. The longevity of man’s member’s life.”

All people seated at the table, surprisingly even Britney, stood at attention, hanging on Dr. E.D.’s every word, their heads not drooping a bit. He then went to explain that his friend Mathers had just returned with this special herb that he had made to pill form. This pill would reestablish these decrepit old men into sex symbols once again. Dr. E.D. motioned toward the little boxes sitting next to their plates. The men opened them. Within them were two pills, “If you take the blue pill” Dr. E.D. explained, “you will fall asleep, and when you wake you will be in your bed completely oblivious.” Dr. E.D. took a red pill and dropped it into a clear crystal vase. It fizzed and within seconds disappeared. “If you take the red pill, you’ll wake up from your 20 year slumber and you’ll see just how far into the rabbit hole you can go.” He then dropped a wilted flower into the vase. Within several seconds it began to rise to its perk, stiff, original form.

They hesitated for a second, but then all reached for the red pill. Dr. E.D. eyed them, writing something in his notebook, looked up, and then began writing again. After having swallowed the 6 individuals eyed each other for quite some time. At seemingly the same time the five men began look a bit less comfortable. They began to change positions in their chairs, adjusting themselves trying to become comfortable. Finally it hit them as they realized what was happening. They jumped out of their chairs and began strutting around the room whooping and hollering about how they were young again, and their careers were not over. Justin picked Britney from her chair and the two began dancing. Britney laughed as they together twirled round and round. JC then shoved his way in to get he next dance. The five men then pushed and shoved to get a piece of Britney for the better part of a fifteen minutes. Justin, having regained control of Britney for the moment looked back at Dr. E.D. and said, “Doctor, you must try some of your wonderful drug. It’s like a fountain of youth!” At this he noticed the flower, once again drooping in the vase. He stopped in his tracks, another person cutting in to dance with Britney. Eventually the others began to slow, looking perplexed downward.

Dr. E.D. wrote a few more notes down on his pad. The five men spoke up. “What happened? This hardly lasted 15 minutes. We need another pill!” Dr. E.D. continued writing. “Don’t you hear me? I want another pill!” Dr. E.D. finally looked up, “Those were the only five.” You guys spent your last 15 minutes at attention fighting.” The five men looked at each other, pain in their eyes. What had Dr. E.D. done to them? Why had he given what they so desperately craved and taken it away so quickly? What was the moral to this story? Did he want to tell you that you shouldn’t waste your life while you have it? Nope folks, there’s no deeper meaning, Dr. E.D. was purely just a jerk. As the five men slowly crept toward Dr. E.D. the Dr. grabbed the short white hair at the back of his head and slowly pulled it forward. His entire face came with it (Just like in Mission Impossible) to reveal the face of ex-rapper Dr. Dre! He then rang his bell and called for Mr. Mathers. In came Eminem.
“I’m sick of you little girl and boy groups,
All you do is annoy me,
So I have been sent here to destroy you.”

He threw a nine to Dr. Dre and the two began firing wildly. After 30 seconds nothing was left but 5 bodies of the former NSYNC members and the cowering body of Britney. Eminem walked over, picked up Britney and together they walked toward the bed rooms. “What now?” Dre said,
“I’m gonna be scorin’
Unless this whole bag of Viagra isn’t workin’”

Dre shook his head as he banned Chris from Napster and called up the Backstreet Boys.